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| It's been months upon months since I have posted anything here. And Xanga is still retarded enough to ask if I want to upgrade to premium, HAHAHA | | |
| I pretty much forgot about Xanga for a while. So much has happened since my last post, way back in November, and my life has changed a bit. I'll leave out the details, as anyone who is important to me already knows the gist of what's gone on, but wow, reading old entries and stuff...I wish I would have known then what I know now. But I don't and I can't, even though it breaks my heart that things have to be this way. I've been working a lot, when my mind allows me to. I am not one of those people who, when upset, needs to keep busy in order to not deal with it. I can't keep busy because I can not focus on the task at hand. I need to wallow for a while, yell, scream, cry, do whatever I can to make myself feel better enough to function normally. It sucks, but that's just how I was made. All in all, I have learned a lot about myself in the last two months, and the people I have chosen to surround myself with over the course of time I have been in Nebraska. I like most of what I have figured out, but some I do not like at all. I know we all make mistakes but I have learned that trusting people is pretty pointless sometimes, because everyone will let you down at one point or another - whether it be the BFF who stuck with you through so much shit before he left the state, your fave sun-bunny partner who would stay up til all hours of the night with you and just giggle over random stories you shared, or the one guy who somehow convinced you to tell him your deepest darkest secrets and at least had the courtesy to take them to his grave...everyone let's you down at some point. I guess you could say I have trust issues as a result of the last two years of my life. | | |
| I have to admit, music always does wonders for me - though I mentioned in a recent post that I heard "Collide" and started crying. Crying is good therapy sometimes. It cleanses the soul and prepares you for what is next. Such was the case when I also mentioned in another post about the song "Remember When" and how I just started bawling and then not too long later I heard "Push" (on my cell phone) and it turned me completely around. Maybe I reply on music too much. I don't know. I just know that whatever my mood, I can always find something that captures how I am feeling and expresses what I can not. I don't really have trouble expressing myself, music just tends to make it more focused and actually makes it make sense, if that even makes sense. I don't know.
I am also totally in love with The Killers. "When You Were Young" is my new anthem, sort of. I just love that part that goes, "You sit there in your heartache/Waiting on some beautiful boy to/ To save you from your old ways". So fitting for the past few months. Really. Because that's what I did. But at least I finally wised up though, so it worked out in the end. Even though I don't know if the end has actually come yet or not. Really, I kind of hope it hasn't.
Brett would call me retarded for this ( he hates Nickelback and said I was gay for liking them even though I don't actually like them, just a song here and there), but currently a few lyrics from a Nickelback song really seem to fit this. Now, don't get me wrong, Nickelback is kinda lame and a lot of the songs sound the same because Chad Kroeger's voice never changes ever, though I am a fan of "Far Away" so I leave you with this:
"I love you, I have loved you all along
And I miss you, been far away for far too long"
It's true. I love your stupid face. But not like that. Ew. | | |
| So it's been a pretty tame week, not a whole lot going on since the tattoo. It looks great and I love it and I am so glad I got it done. I called Mom at work and told her, that way she couldn't yell at me, you know, since she was at work and all. Surprisingly, she was really cool with it. So cool, in fact, that I told her I'd get her one for her birthday if she wanted. At first she kind of bawked at the idea, but then after a few seconds she was like, well, if I come to Lincoln sometime...Makes sense, since I already found a great place and I'm sure Nate would be totally happy to do hers too. Nate's pretty much awesome and I am glad I chose him to do mine.
I am so psyched to be going home this weekend. Yesterday was my Mom's birthday, so that's partially why I am going home. The other part has to do with the fact that the Vikes are playing the Packers this Sunday, woohoo. I have not missed this game in like, 12 years. We've had Vikings season tickets forever and oh how I hate the Packers. I want to spit on Brett Favre's grave. After he's dead, of course. Wouldn't make much sense right now. I haven't decided if I am coming back Monday or Tuesday. I got Monday night off from work so technically I could actually come back Tuesday and still be here by 5 for work...I may do that, I miss my family. Plus, Nicholas is so adorable. He got these plastic turtle to play with in the bathtub a while back and he has four of them. He chose all the names himself and you can tell...See, he absolutely adored my turtle, Wendall, but he could never say his name, so it always came out sounding like 'Dendall'. Well, I guess when he got these turtles of his own, he decided to name them Wendall, Merle, and David, and the momma turtle is name Dorothy. The Wendall and the Merle comes from MY turtle, which is adorable, he named one after our Grandpa, who's name is David, and then one after our Great Grandma Dorothy. That kid is such a trip, he cracks me up.
Apparently there are visitors coming to Lincoln that one would think I'd want to see but since said visitors didn't even tell me themselves they were coming here because they couldn't be bothered to, I am quite sure I won't be seeing them. Well, I won't be here anyway so I guess it really doesn't matter anyway. Blah.
If someone, somewhat drunk, asks you to do something such as go somewhere and get them food and you say no and they ask, "But don't you love me?" and you say that no you don't and then they ask why not, because they are, in fact, quite lovable, it's okay to go along with it and reassure them that, okay, fine, you do love them. Even if you don't. Besides, love is a funny thing anyway. I love my friends. I just love them on varying levels. To be quite honest, there are some I would kill, die, cheat, lie and/or steal for, and some that I wouldn't. I know that sounds kind of horrible to say, but there are many varying levels of friendship. There's no need to name names, you know who you are by now. And if you have to ask yourself if you are one of those people, the answer then is probably a resounding NO. This rapidly became a somewhat serious tangent. Sad. Mostly I was starting out by poking fun at Evan - and Brett too, because he was laying on the floor and constantly asking for 'nugs' as we affectionately refer to Chicken McNuggets as - for wanting me to go get them McDonalds last Saturday after Fight Night. Suffice it to say I ended up not going because eventually I wore Evan down and he drove Brett's drunk ass to McDonalds instead. I'm gooood. This paragraph is kind of a clusterfuck of randomness. I am okay with that. It's entertaining.
Recently I rented 'The Break Up' and 'Thank You For Smoking'. I was not a big fan of either. I mean, 'The Break Up' was funny, but a lot of the arguments that they had hit far too close to home and I was not a huge fan. And I love Vince Vaughn and Jennifer Aniston and I wanted them to get back together even though JohnRoss told me ahead of time that they wouldn't. Then again, as Brett pointed out, it wasn't a cliched ending like so may others lame romantic comedies. But eh, the point of movies is to get lost for a while in the not-so-realistic. As for 'Thank You For Smoking' is was good, not great. I inadvertently saw it a second time because Evan wouldn't let me watch The OC - apparently because it is his tv and his apartment and his couches, that means he gets to watch whatever he wants first, who knew - and I liked it better, but still, I am not rushing out to buy it.
I am sick, also. It's a cold and it's kind of lame and annoying. I had no voice yesterday and when I did talk I sounded like a man. It was great. Answering the phones at work and talking on the headsets was a real blast. But sick or not, there is no way in hell I am missing the game on Sunday. Wold horses could not keep me from the Metrodome. I HATE the Packers.
I finally finished season 3 of The OC. Now I am waiting on Brett to also finish so we can start watching season 4. He's been DVR-ing them for us so we will have a nice collection to watch - even though that may not happen until after December, blah! Brett graduates then and until he gets his portfolio done, he's not really a lot of fun.
Speaking of The OC, I thought this exchange was...interesting...There's a little masochist in us all, isn't there?
Volchak: You deserve to be treated right
Marissa: If I wanted to be treated right, I wouldn’t be with you
Anyway, that's about it, not a whole lot else going on. Working and subbing, same old story. Peace out, bitches.
***Edit*** I can't believe I forgot this part. So on Wednesday night I went out to eat with Allie and Pam, man I miss my ADPis! Anyway, we went to Applebee's by the Lied Center and our waitress comes out and she looks so familiar and she kind of gives me that look that says, "I know you from somewhere..." So when she says, "I'm Emily and I'll be your server tonight...blah blah Applebee's speech..." I know exactly where I know her from. We had an interesting conversation that lasted a good ten minutes or so at least, and found some interesting similarities in our stories on how we came to be ex-girlfriends of a certain someone who ran on back home a few months ago. It was a fun night, Allie and Pam and I had a good laugh, they thought the tattoo was fitting, and we just got to finally talk without having to watch what we say because we were not actually at an ADPi event. JV couldn't make it because she had a test the next day, but that just means we get to do something fun next week hopefully, woohoo. I love my girls.
***End Edit*** | | |
| 'Keeping The Theme' and 'Memory Lane, Oh Halloween...' were two seperate posts I did in my real blog but am posting here in one since some of you are too lazy to click on a link. Yes, I am talking about you, Tyler.Keeping The Theme... Not too long after I posted my short blog about Halloween, this song randomly came up on WinAmp. Kind of odd, huh? This song was kind of our graduating theme from high school, it came out around that time and I am sure a lot of classes of 2001 felt the same way. But it is also kind of fitting with memories in general and not just with the whole graduating thing. There's all kinds of things we 'graduate' from, not just school, you know? People we love leave us all the time and there's really not much we can do about it. And sometimes I feel like I'm letting go of people I don't mean to let go of, it's just started happening and I don't know what to do about it. Then on the other hand, I'm hanging on to others I probably should let go of. It's time.
Here's To The Night - Eve 6
So denied, so I lied
Are you the now or never kind
In a day and a day love
I'm gonna be gone for good again
Are you willing to be had
Are you cool with just tonight
Here's a toast to all those who hear me all too well
Here's to the nights we felt alive
Here's to the tears you knew you'd cry
Here's to goodbye
Tomorrow's gonna come too soon
Put your name on the line
Along with place and time
Wanna stay, not to go
I wanna ditch the logical
Here's a toast to all those who hear me all too well
Here's to the nights we felt alive
Here's to the tears you knew you'd cry
Here's to goodbye
Tomorrow's gonna come too soon
All my time is froze in motion
Can't I stay an hour or two or more
Don't let me let you go
Here's a toast to all those who hear me all too well
Here's to the nights we felt alive
Here's to the tears you knew you'd cry
Here's to goodbye
Tomorrow's gonna come too soon Memory Lane, Oh Halloween... Three years ago today: I was laying on Adam's futon mattress with him in the living room of his and Si's apartment, everyone still kind of drunk from the Halloween party, watching the Texas/Nebraska game.
Two years ago today: I woke up (ALONE, thanks for the assumption, jerks) on Ken's pull-out couch after a not so great Halloween party that I left from early and decided to hang out with Ken and watch movies instead.
One year ago today: I was waking up with Drake and going off to work, Jesse and Shanna had come to visit for the weekend.
Today: It's a Wednesday, I didn't do anything for Halloween last night or this weekend really, and I am okay with that. | | |
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